Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Attack of the Christmas Zombies

I get it.  Really I do, the holidays are a stressful time and people get burnt out and frustrated with the seemingly endless sea of decisions and preparations they have to make.  I've been there.  But come on people, sometimes the questions you're asked just aren't that hard!  You should still be able to answer them.  Unless something darker and more insidious is going on...unless you have become a Christmas zombie!

Consider the following exchange, when a customer comes to my cash register to buy something:
me: Do you have one of our discount cards?
customer: *blank uncomprehending stare*
me: *this time pointing to an example card at the register* Do you have one of our discount cards? 
customer: uhhhhhhhhhhhh...*I take this as a no*
me: Okay, and did you want to buy a plastic bag for your purchase?  They're five cents. 
customer: uhhhhhhhh...*they make a - possibly involuntary - head twitch that I interpret as a negative. I finish ringing in their purchase, with an effort to avoid having to ask any further questions, then smile politely while they shuffle away.*

Now consider the following slightly dramatized version:
me: Do you have one of our discount cards?
customer: *blank uncomprehending stare, one empty eye socket, clutching gnawed limb*
me: *this time pointing to an example card at the register* Do you have one of our discount cards? 
customer: brrraaaaaaaaiiiiinnnnns....*I take this as a no*
me: Okay, and did you want to buy a plastic bag for your purchase?  They're five cents. 
customer: brrraaaaaaaaiiiiinnnnns....*they attempt to grab for my skull, their remaining eye gleaming with unholy fire.  I brush them politely away, interpreting this as a lack of desire for a bag. I finish ringing in their purchase, then smile politely while they shuffle off to eat the people at the beauty product booth outside my store*

Do you see how those two scenarios are almost exactly the same?  Christmas zombies, I tell you, it's a zombapocalypse waiting to happen. 

1 comment:

  1. I think I would actually prefer Christmas Zombies as opposed to some of the crazies who come in looking for books. You know the ones. Who are very vocal about everything but have no idea what to buy their wife, grandmother, brother, uncle, etc. Sigh.

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