Tuesday, December 21, 2010

An Actual Confession! (gasp!)

All right, I did title this blog "Confessions etc. etc...." so here's one for you. 

I have a terrible habit of failing to follow through on things.  I think of a new project/idea/goal/inspiration, and I get super enthusiastic about it, and come up with grandiose plans and schemes as to how I'm going to make it happen and (at least sometimes) how it will make some huge change or impact in my life.  Then I start to actually do whatever it is I've set out to do. In the beginning everything seems okay. For awhile at least I do put in a solid effort, maybe for a few weeks, sometimes even as long as a couple of months. 

Then something happens.  Either it's harder than I thought it would be, or I get discouraged about the progress I'm making, or worst of all I'll be making decent progress but then a new project/idea/goal/inspiration comes along and because it has the glamour and shine of a new idea, the one I'm currently working on starts to seem lacklustre or dull in comparison, and I transfer all of my energy and effort to the new pet project, and so the cycle continues.  That last one is the most common...I have a terrible weakness for wondering what's around the next corner, or through the next door, or what's happening tomorrow. 

This failure of follow through has happened with a desire to exercise more, to learn new languages (or relearn french, my mother's a french teacher dammit I should be bilingual!), to get back into playing guitar, to write more (even this blog is in some ways an attempt to get myself writing more), to spend more time on school work, and so on, and so on.  It tends to happen when I get jobs too...during the first few weeks or months of training I'm the golden boy, who looks like such a promising new candidate for whatever the position is, but then I get comfortable with what I'm doing (translation: lazy) and start just treading water, instead of still striving to push forward and continually improve and all that early praise dries up and I just seem average again. 

I'm not writing this as a prelude to a belief that I will miraculously change...this is not a new year's resolution (you can guess how successful I am at keeping those!) It was just on my mind, and I'd never written about it before (that I can recall) so I figured I'd put it down here.  To name a thing is to own a thing, or so they say, and at least I can acknowledge that I know this about myself.  It is not one of my more endearing qualities.

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